I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
