i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
