My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
