I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
