alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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