i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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