Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
