is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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