she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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