I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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