Im at strip club and am horny
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
