the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
