new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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