OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
