Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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