I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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