I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
