Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
