Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
