How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
