Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
