Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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