I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
