Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
