he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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