I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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