Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
