But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
