My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
