I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
