matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
