If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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