dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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