just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
