mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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