I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
