Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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