a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you never un-have a 4some
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
