if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
