If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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