Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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