I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
