Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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