I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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