arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
