I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
