does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
