if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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