Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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