Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
