Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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