Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
