Someone shit on the floor
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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