U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
