Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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