this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
