I love having hate sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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