Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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