you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
